i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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