Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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