Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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