Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
