True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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