i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
