I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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