My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
