4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
