Moan for me like Helen Keller
Life is so much better after having sex.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
