Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
