I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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