I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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