Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
