I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
