Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Randomize
