I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
