dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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