I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
soo... how was my night?
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