yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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