Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
