And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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