it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Randomize
