She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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