Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
