they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
