After last night, I could never be a politician.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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