Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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