just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
