she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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