I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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