My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
