At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
