theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
