What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
