I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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