So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
