Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
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