Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
