Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
