if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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