If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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