Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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