guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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