Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
