Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
