Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
time to smoke my breakfast
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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