there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
