I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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