You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
