woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
